Weigh in and other thoughts

I have not had a chance to blog in a while so I have a lot to say so please forgive me now. I had 2 weigh ins since my last blog. My first one was 43lbs down at 287.6. Yesterday weigh in was 282.8! That's 48lbs down. I am excited but.....I am dreaming of reeses peanut butter cups!!!! I want CHOCOLATE! I am obssesed with reading the blogs so to steal a line from Lap Band Gal, I'm fighting the good fight but.... sometimes I feel weak. I want to give in. I want to eat a entire 8 pack of reeses peanut butter cups like I used to....sick isn't it? I haven't indulged myself but I almost feel like I'm a faliure just for thinking about it....ok obbsessing about it.....hell dreaming about it. I am eating more now since my last fill (finally off mushies!!) but within 2 hours I'm hungry again. I prolong it and eat later then that but its frustrating. My work schedule is odd so I have my breakfast at about 3pm. Then lunch at about 8pm. Then dinner at 3am. I work 3pm-11pm then go to my second job 11pm-7am. My doctor said 3 meals a day and1-2 protein shakes. I find I need at least a cheesestick at about 12am to get me through. Sometimes I even split my lunch in 2 to get through to 12am. I will eat at 6:30pm half my lunch then 8:30-9pm I have the rest of my lunch. Do you think this is wrong? I need help here please....  I know I said I would suck it up but I feel like whinning today. I am very happy with my loss so far and I knew it would be hard and a looong journey but sometimes you just gotta whine.
I have 2 confessions to make...I have an obsession with eating fat reduced moose tracks ICE CREAM! A slider for sure but in my defense...I do write it down and include it in my calories for the day.It is still terrible and I must go to ice cream anonymous! I have it once a week! Ridiculous! Also I have not exercised all week except my 2 walks around the building at work with my nurse friends. Terrible I know. I am going to fail out of LBU....(Lap Band University) and I have excuse after excuse. Its all just a excuse and I know it....I have promised myself to do better this week and from now on.....No fingers crossed behind my back or anything!
On another note I had a NSV. I brought a dress for my sisters graduation and it was a size down from what I was pre surgery! AND I FELT GOOD IN IT! I felt great in it actually. That was the best part of my week.

My First Fill

I had my first fill today. It sucked! My port has moved and the doctor said every fill I have will have to be done down in Radiology so they can see it. Eventually they will attach it back on to the muscle but for now it is turned and they have to push and push to get to it. I am already bruising.....oh well. The needle didn't hurt at all but I think thats because Dr is great. I didn't even know the needle went in. He filled me completely and that was a interesting feeling. I then had to drink the disgusting liquid so they could see the movement on the scope. It was cool to see the fluid go through the band. Got to see everything and loved that.  The only thing that annoyed me a bit is I asked how many CC's he put in and Dr said "enough". Wth is that answer? I weighed in this Wednesday and I am down to 291.6. I was happy with the loss. 39lbs down! I have to constantly remind myself this is a tool.....not a magic wand! I didn't climb to 330lbs in 6 weeks. I'm damn sure not going to lose it fast. I'm happy with any loss. I am looking forward to NSV's to. I had my first one! I put on a bra that had never fit around me and it was comfortable. I was so excited about that. My hubby is great too. He is doing p90x. The other day we did the Yoga one together and it kicked my butt.....yoga! How can yoga kick your butt you ask? Trust me I was sweating by the end and my DH was great. He cheered me on the whole time we did it together. I also signed up for/went to my first Jazzercise. I really enjoyed it.

Temptation

Sorry I never got to post for weigh-in-Wednesday. I lost 2 pounds bringing me to 34lbs lost total. I started this journey at 330lbs and am now down to 296.4lbs. Back in the 200's baby! My week has been so busy and I was to tired to even look at my computer. Last night at work I spent 8 hours sitting next to a chocolate cake with chocolate icing , my favorite besides cheesecake, but I didn't have any. I was surprised by how hard it was to just say no. In the past I would have eaten 2-3 pieces and although I did want it I wouldn't let myself have even one. It is a fight everyday. I had a 28 year relationship with McDonalds. Me and Ronald McDonald were in love. I have made up my mind though and we are OFFICIALLY OVER. I want to be "normal". I wish food wasn't such a struggle. I knew this wouldn't be easy though and I accepted that before even considering the surgery. So I'm gonna stop complaining and SUCK IT UP! (just please lord don't let that cake be there again tonight)